It was such a tough year, I almost dare not think about it anymore. But with the rest we are taking now, comes the space to look back. I only now see how intense it really was, actually. What I also see is how powerful I am, how much resilience I have ánd what a ‘different year’ I am facing. I have learned 3 things and I am happy to share them with you!

 

 

I BROKE DOWN

You may remember it, but almost 1.5 years ago we bought a house. A dream house in the making, as it was very outdated and needed major renovation. You may also know that I have PTSD and easily feel unsafe (which is why I paint all cosy, happy and warm things ;-)) and that, together with renovating, was not a good combination. I thought I could handle it all, but living without a house to properly live in, and instead living in a construction site, was not good for me. I felt uprooted.

The breaking point came when I was super busy with my fast-growing business (for which immense thanks!!) AND I still had a few months of renovation to go. All I could do was cry and then the panic attacks started. I was shocked by this violent reaction myself, I hadn’t seen that coming! Luckily there was help, I put a lot of things on hold and you gave me all the time, space and understanding for which I am so very grateful! There was not one impatient customer, no one reacted angrily when I only answered my messages on instagram after weeks (or more than a month). How fantastic is that!

 

 

WHAT I WANT TO SHARE

I don’t like looking back very much, especially not on tough times (who does…), but now that I think about it, I also did learn a lot and I’m happy to share it with you!

Share if things don’t go well! I never want to disappoint people, there is a ‘pleaser’ in me somewhere ;-). But I have found that it is much easier to share that you are not doing well and then see if you can postpone things together, or say no, than to just keep ‘giving yourself away’. I have never experienced so much understanding as I have in the past year, but why is that? Because I shared it!

Plans are there to be adjusted. I am quite straightforward when it comes to ‘planning’, once I have thought of, or planned, something, it should not change. Do you recognise that? Well, plans are there to be adjusted and changed. I still don’t like it, I find that I often need some time to get used to the change and the idea, but it can be incredibly helpful.

You are stronger than you think! OK, admittedly, I was in a really bad state AND it was also scary. But looking back, I see how resilient I am. Especially when things are going so badly! I sought (and luckily found!) professional help, rang the alarm bell with the professionals in time and prevented myself from getting worse. That’s what I did, which allowed the tide to turn and now I am doing just fine.

 

 

A DIFFERENT YEAR

And now it is January. No major renovation this year (but still lots of painting, tiling, and DIY-ing, haha). No commissioned work for the time being and just enjoy painting, making whatever I feel like. I have an accountant starting this year (lovely!), everything in the warehouse is running smoothly after some start-up problems last year. And I am bursting with inspiration. How much life can change in one year!