Subconsciously, we hear it very often: you have to take good care of yourself first before you ‘take care’ of others. Sounds logical somewhere, but I fell for it again.

 

 

FELL FOR WHAT?

Well, you probably know that we are renovating and you might also know that I am not doing very well (see previous blog). So that calls for good self-care you would say, right?

But what if it’s not so easy now? What if you feel the huge urge to help out, to mean something, to do many things to regain control? Do you recognise it?

Well… then you carry on. And… you don’t really become a nicer person I can tell you. It’s so strange, because then I genuinely think I’m ‘doing good’ by work hard. By showing that I’m doing my best, by buckling down and giving myself away. Once upon a time in the past, this behaviour was rewarded, or well… taught. ‘Don’t squeak but keep going’ was quite often the motto. So I did, and it’s in my system, still. I always fall for it again.

 

 

DIFFERENT IS BETTER

Last week, it dawned on me. I have yet to get used to it, but after a (very ‘not cosy’) argument, I broke down. And suddenly I saw what I was doing: carry on while I can’t. And it didn’t really make me a nicer or easier person (not for myself either: hello panic attacks). So I stopped. As I write this I am sitting in the neighbour’s studio, this I arranged as self-care so I don’t have to be there when workmen isolate our house. I am letting go (okay, still difficult, but I am trying my best) and it is starting to pay off.

 

 

SO SELF-CARE AFTER ALL!

Now that I think about it longer, I believe it is true after all. ‘Self-care first’ is simply true. It is something like the trick you are taught in aeroplanes to always put an oxygen mask on yourself first before helping children. YOU FIRST, otherwise you cannot help others.

What it means for me? Well, that I will ask for help more often. Like I have now done with working in the neighbour’s studio (so sweet of them!). I have even, after long consideration with my feelings, rented a cottage to retreat to later during the very last, but 1 of the toughest phases of the renovation.

Does it bother me that I can’t help out anymore? Well yes! I still feel guilty about it at times. I can’t quite finish the process we started together in good spirits as I had imagined it. But now it is a lot cosier at home and I feel a bit better. What would you choose in my case? Helping out or self-care?